THE
"LIVE-IN" - SOME OF THE INS AND AND OUTS.
By Sister Mary
Augustine O.P.
The average
family would probably baulk at exposing itself to a long series of unfamiliar
live-in guests whose main reason for living in is to assess the quality of life
in the family with a view to moving in permanently if everything comes up to
expectations.
This is not
exactly the position of a religious community a propos the "live-in"
or "come and see" experience commonly offered to aspiring candidates
today, but some of the elements are certainly there. A religious community is a
religious family and it not only cherishes its right to privacy - (including
its right to have its own special 'skeletons in the cupboard'!) - but is bound
to it by the Canons of the Church. The Church requires that a certain distance
from the outside world be observed, even in active religious communities, and
that "cloister" be maintained (ie parts of the convent or monastery
set apart for the exclusive use of the sisters or brothers) in order to safeguard
the integrity of the community's charism and the intimacy of its family life.
I am not sure at
what stage these opportunities emerged by which young men or women, interested
in or aspiring to religious life, might be admitted for a time into the
"inner life" of a religious community. I know it was still not widely
available in the late 60's. The nearest thing we knew, as teenagers, to an
'entree' to the inner sanctum of the cloister, was confined to such clandestine
"boarders" activities as peeping through the slits in the curtains at
the nuns dancing and laughing together during their evening recreation, trying
on the items of religious garb that inadvertently found their way into our
laundry-baskets, making observations and deductions from what one could see
what through the trunk-room door that led from 'our territory' into the convent
corridors, and sitting on the Chapel stairs, listening with a certain reverent
joy to the lovely Gregorian chants of Dominican Compline.
Certainly, some
Orders possessed Juniorates in which young people completed their education
within an environment closely resembling a religious novitiate. But these, too
were being phased out around this time. For most of us, the first real taste of
the convent or monastic life-style was when we fronted up as postulants.
And while there
were plenty of surprises, we had a general idea of what convent life might hold
for us. We had read and heard of the lives of religious saints and, despite the
prevailing enthusiasm for the lay apostolate, the spirituality in common
circulation amongst the laity still drew much of its inspiration from the
religious life, with its emphasis on humility, purity, asceticism and avoidance
of the wiles of "the world".
But in today's
hyper-secularised world with its anti-Church and even pagan culture and its
notable paucity of religious (visible religious in particular), how is a young
person to be equipped for discerning a religious vocation unless the convent or
the monastery lift the curtain, at least to some extent, on what goes to makes
up its life and charism? How, too, is the religious community to be in a
position to evaluate a young person's suitability for its life unless it can
observe them in action? After all, "life out there" has generally
done very little to develop in the young the virtues and qualities we could
once assume in sincere young Catholics. Catholic schools have not done their
bit. Catholic priests have too often neglected to preach and encourage true
doctrine and spirituality. "Catholic" families are too often not
really Catholic and too often in a state of dysfunctionality or disintegration
even at the human level. So the answer, approved by the Church and generally
accepted by many religious communities, is the "live-in" experience.
It should be
noted that the decision to admit potential candidates into the cloister is a
delicately individual matter so far as each community is concerned. Things to
be taken into account when making such a decision include the size of the
community, the degree of enclosure which its charism calls for, the amount of
time and personnel the community can afford to make available for this form of
vocational hospitality, the age-composition of the community and the number of
religious in formation.
Having young
people come to share the life of our communities for a short period can be -
and mostly is, - hopeful and exhilarating. It helps us to take a stimulating
distance from our life, seeing it through the new eyes of the young visitor,
being compelled to a certain self-criticism and a certain sharpening up of our
ideals, and overall experiencing a renewed love of our vocation and pride in
our Order. Young people bring us into contact with interesting perceptions and
often quite deeply spiritual ones. We are reminded that God is indeed at work
in the world and that He is drawing the lives of certain young men and women
towards greater union with Him and more generous work for His Kingdom.
But the
"live-in" can also be quite unnerving. Here we are "on
show", not once, but over and over again. We have to answer hundreds of
questions - both explicit and implicit, general and personal - to explain what
we do (and why we do it). We know that we are being marked "out of
ten" on a long list of criteria of which we may or may not be aware, and
compared with other communities on various points. We feel pretty sure that all
our weaknesses will be visible to the visitor and that their (usually
mountain-high) ideals will be scooped out into miserable valleys by the time
they have taken their leave.
It can also be a
nuisance to have to show yet another raw young visitor the ways of the
community in order that the peaceful machinery of the regular life can go on,
while increasing their own understanding of what religious life is all about.
And since it is not humanly possible to take on the customs and mores of any
group within the space of days or even weeks, we usually have to endure some
rather jarring "worldly" behaviour which is disruptive to our
carefully cultivated (and necessary) religious environment. Some visitors can
turn out to be unpredictably eccentric. Some can be rather demanding and
insensitive.
The rarefied
atmosphere of the cloister which they often find so 'different' from what they
are used to, can bring out the worst in the personality and character of a
young man or woman. But it can also bring out the best. Oftentimes the
experience is like a breath of fresh air to someone who feels suffocated by the
pressures and pace of life in the world and needs exposure to an atmosphere of
faith. This may be the beginning of a true vocation journey which may end in
entrance to a convent or monastery somewhere - if not in that particular one.
Taken
altogether, the "live-in" would seem to be a practical and effective
answer to the vocation-discernment problem. Young people will find that certain
fears and impossible dreams will never be dispelled unless they are prepared to
take up the challenge offered by religious communities to observe their life at
closer hand. Given that the 'live-in' is here to stay, some extremes to be
avoided are: too little discrimination on the part of the community as to
candidates and conditions, and on the part of the young, too much
'window-shopping'.